Flirting With Obscene: Fantasy/Reality Part 55

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Fantasy/Reality Part 55

4 comments:

AnonymousAugust 27, 2010 at 12:12 PM
Hi Jocelyn! :D
I just finished reading part 55 and as always, it was great!! :) I really liked the part of using corny bsb lurics for some reason. But i expected a bit of an action scene, or like something that would make you "whaaa?" or "aww" lol! but maybe that's just me ;)
take care!
xoxo

~Nari
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AnonymousAugust 27, 2010 at 12:13 PM
*Lyrics
sorry, i hate typos lol! :D
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JessicaAugust 28, 2010 at 5:07 PM
Was a great chapter but I agree with Nari. I was expecting a little more action or something, but it was well written as always. I did like the lyrics though lol. I can just imagine how dumb he thought he was being but was glad to see her smile. I hope Viola really see's that he's really in love with her :).
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Jocelyn - eliminatefullprice.comSeptember 4, 2010 at 7:17 PM
Nari - I had trouble figuring out how Nick could sweet talk Viola out of the sadness she wrapped herself in. When I typed out dialogue for him to say it didn't feel natural to me. It sounded too much like me talking than Nick talking. One morning, I remembered I had video of Nick I filmed singing "Incomplete" in Fresno http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XDitZ-8RVbw and that's when I got the idea to incorporate lyrics into his lines. I could picture him using lyrics as a way to communicate his feelings. It also added a bit of comic relief to the scene.

Some of Nick's lines I cut out at that part before replacing it with lyrics were:
"I'm not attracted to her the way I'm attracted to you."
"There's no reason for you to be cryin'."
"There's always gonna be someone talking crap."

When I brainstormed this part, I didn't envision it as having much action. I felt the drama during dinner was enough action for now. I don't really know how I could have put action or aww into it? lol I get so paranoid about my writing being too cheesy and predictable so I don't want to go overboard with aww moments. Thank you for your feedback and for taking time to read my story!

Jessica - Thanks for thinking it was a great chapter even if you thought it lacked action. I know I probably say this every time but this part was extremely difficult to write out of all the parts so far. I felt like I was walking on egg shells as I wrote it. There was a lot of tension and drama in part 54 that I didn't want to overdo it with part 55. That's why I thought it would be best to write it the way I did. I hope Viola can see how much Nick loves her too. One of her issues is she's so insecure so it's been difficult for her to see how head over heels in love Nick is for her. As I mentioned to Nari, using lyrics for Nick's dialogue came from a video of Nick I filmed singing "Incomplete" in Fresno http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XDitZ-8RVbw It felt more natural for me to have Nick use Backstreet Boys lyrics at that part. It helped provide a bit of comic relief to the scene. I can't say enough how I really appreciate you've been a faithful reader and commentator of this story. I know I've lost a lot of readers due to my lack of updates but it's a HUGE comfort to know you're still sticking around :D
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Flirting With Obscene

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Fantasy/Reality Part 55

4 comments:

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